What are Emotional Needs? – Learning How to Listen to Your Inner Self

What are emotional needs?

Have you ever heard that phrase before?

It sounds a little strange and maybe like a little bit of hooey, but the fact is we do very much have woman embracing  herselfemotional needs.

Just as we have needs for things like air, water, and food in order to survive biologically, in order to find happiness, wholeness, and a sense of joy and well-being in our lives, it is important to understand what our emotional needs are as well as how to go about getting them met.

Emotional Needs, What Are They?

Taking a look at the definition of an emotional need from medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com, we find that an emotional need is,

“a psychological or mental requirement of intrapsychic origin that usually centers on such basic feelings as love, fear, anger, sorrow, anxiety, frustration, and depression and involves the understanding, empathy, and support of one person for another.  Such needs normally occur in everyone but usually increase during periods of excessive stress or physical and mental illness and during various stages of life, such as infancy, early childhood, and old age.”

Simply put, our emotional needs are simply what we need to have satisfied in order to feel a sense of well-being and satisfaction in our lives.

Not only that, but if these needs are not met it can lead to feelings of emptiness, depression, and general unhappiness, according to an article by Harnan Parvez at psychmechanics.com.

Getting these needs met, then, is paramount to our own happiness and well-being in life.

Learning to Identify Our Own Emotional Needs

Many people are under the impression that they need to get their emotional needs met from some outside source, generally through some kind of relationship.

But the truth is, this is precisely what leads so many people to become so unhappy in life and in their relationships.

Under the surface, we get upset and frustrated when our emotional needs aren’t being met by someone or some thing but often times we aren’t necessarily even conscious of it.

This can lead to strife in your relationships, fights, and even separating.

The idea is that if this particular person or situation isn’t satisfying our inner needs, then we simply need to find a new person or a new thing that can do that for us.

But in so many cases we find ourselves in similar relationships to the ones we’ve been in previously, and the cycle just seems to continue over and over.

Sheri Stritof in an article at verywellmind.com informs us that although we do try to get our emotional needs met through others, the truth is that psychology experts generally agree that only we can meet our own emotional needs.

But of course we must be clear on what our needs are exactly, and only then can we go about getting those needs met.

So What Are Our Emotional Needs Anyway?

While there are many different variations when it comes to our ‘spectrum’ of emotional needs, the truth is our emotional needs can be boiled down to three major areas:

  1. the need to feel love and connection
  2. the need to feel warmth and security
  3. and the need to feel seen and heard

What’s interesting is that taking a look at those needs written out, they seem very simple, clear and obvious.

And yet for whatever reason so many of us have trouble identifying these needs consciously within ourselves, and the end result is we continually go through life without getting our needs met.

But taking a look at the needs above, it’s obvious that, yes, of COURSE that’s what we need on a regular basis.

Do we not all crave a sense of love and connection from someone or in some form or fashion?

Do we not all feel a need for a sense of warmth and security be it through a partner, a safe place to live, a secure job etc?

And do we not also have a general need to feel seen and heard by at least someone?

To have someone that understands us and sees us for who we really are?

Surely we do.

And all these needs are perfectly natural and something we all have a right to ask for.

Many times we go through life not being totally conscious of what our needs are but we know enough that we want a relationship, a nice place to live, a good job etc.

But we carry so much stress and angst within us as well because our brains associate our fundamental emotional needs with the things we have in our lives around us, and we fear losing these things in some way and at some point.

But as we know as well, everything is transitory at best.

When we attach ourselves to external sources of perceived happiness and satisfaction, sooner or later these sources will leave us either through some external life event or through death.

This is why it’s important to be able to get one’s own emotional needs met on their own.

They Say the Keys to the Success You Seek are Within You

Now there are a number of ways to get the needs you seek met within you.

Some say it’s by knowing what you need to get your needs met externally and to simply make sure that those needs are met.

But as we’ve already discussed, external sources don’t really fill our needs and only leave us feeling dissatisfied and empty if we look to them alone to get our needs met.

Others say we are to simply learn how to communicate more effectively with others in relationships and that having a harmonious relationship will get our needs met.

But the truth is, the only thing that will ever satiate our needs is something that is within us and that has always been there.

Some call it your emotional self.

While others refer to it as a light that is within.

And yes, I know this sounds like we are starting to get more into the spiritual side of things rather than the emotional, but the truth is everything relates back to this inner source.

To get our needs met in a real way, therefore, is to turn our attention within.

And to begin to do that, all we’ve got to do is to literally turn our mental attention inward toward how we are feeling and to merely allow ourselves to feel however we are feeling.

You see, although what we seek is indeed within us, it is covered over by layers of thoughts and other feelings that prevents us from being in tune with it.

To remove these layers of thoughts and feelings is as simple as asking ourselves certain questions internally, answering them, and then allowing the light within to shine forth.

This light, is how we simultaneously get our needs for love and connection, warmth and security, and to be seen and heard met all at once and in the same place.

A Simple Process for Getting Our Inner Needs Met that Anyone Can Do

I have created a simple process over my years of study and experimentation that allows anyone to get in tune with their inner selves.

I call this the emotional dissolution technique and it consists of the following:

  1.  Either sitting or lying down, close your eyes and get in tune with how you are feeling right in this moment.  Then think of something that is bothering you now or that has been bothering you.
  2. When you have this person or situation in mind of something that bothers you, notice how what you’re feeling changes.  It might be a drastic change or a small one, just let however you are feeling come to the surface and be ok.
  3. When you have this feeling in your awareness, take a nice deep breath in, hold it, and ask yourself the following questions internally:  could you be ok with however you are feeling in this moment?  And is this a need for love and connection, warmth and security, or to be seen and heard?  Whichever need it is, could you just be ok with feeling this way?
  4. Repeat this process a few more times on the same issue or pick another one.
  5. Allow yourself some time and practice to get this down, but ultimately you will be able to dissolve any unwanted feelings or emotions on the spot.  You can even spend a certain amount of time on a particular issue and just dissolve it all until you feel it is completely gone from you.

When you do this successfully, you will feel a natural sense of lightness, joy, and well-being start to rise up within you.

Again, at first it might be subtle shifts here and there that you feel within you.

But the more you practice this the more you’ll find a mysterious joy start to surface within you when you are least expecting it.

And this joy is precisely the source of what you need to get your emotional needs met.

Wrapping it Up

So to sum it up, we all have emotional needs and we all have the right to get those needs met.

Although we generally try to get these needs met from external sources be they people places times and events, the truth is to really get our needs met we must get our needs met ourselves.

To do this, we must start to turn within and to discover the light that is within us.

We can start to do this through things like meditation and speaking with others from our genuine selves.

But a method that will really help expedite this process and allow you to do this on your own is a unique process I put together called the emotional dissolution technique.

This consists of the following steps:

  1.  Either sitting or lying down, close your eyes and get in tune with how you are feeling right in this moment.  Then think of something that is bothering you now or that has been bothering you.
  2. When you have this person or situation in mind of something that bothers you, notice how what you’re feeling changes.  It might be a drastic change or a small one, just let however you are feeling come to the surface and be ok.
  3. When you have this feeling in your awareness, take a nice deep breath in, hold it, and ask yourself the following questions internally:  could you be ok with however you are feeling in this moment?  And is this a need for love and connection, warmth and security, or to be seen and heard?  Whichever need it is, could you just be ok with feeling this way?
  4. Repeat this process a few more times on the same issue or pick another one.
  5. Allow yourself some time and practice to get this down, but ultimately you will be able to dissolve any unwanted feelings or emotions on the spot.  You can even spend a certain amount of time on a particular issue and just dissolve it all until you feel it is completely gone from you.

When you practice this for some time and get the hang of it, you will find that you are able to dissolve any negative or unwanted feelings and emotions on the spot, and also get your true inner needs met at the same time.

And when you have your inner needs met on your own and have the ability to do this regardless of what’s going on around you, you will find that the things you’ve always dreamed of having in your life start to be mysteriously drawn into your life.

So what do you say, are you ready to get your emotional needs met, connect with your inner self, and live the life of your dreams all at the same time?

Everything you need to do this you have within you, and now you have some tools to make this possibility a reality.

Have any thoughts, concerns, questions?

Please feel free to comment down below!

I’d love to hear from you.

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