Enduring any form of abuse, or going through any kind of trauma in one’s life, is not something a lot of people want to talk about on a regular basis.
However, these are important issues that do need to be discussed at some point.
In this post we’re going to specifically focus on what’s known as narcissistic abuse, and how one can start the journey to healing after such abuse.
Narcissistic abuse is a very distinct form of psychological, emotional, and even physical abuse that is extremely painful and damaging to one who had to endure it.
In fact, it is very common for one who has endured such insane and regular abuse to develop something known as cptsd or complex post traumatic stress disorder as a result.
Healing from narcissistic abuse unfortunately can also be a bit complex and take a considerable amount of time to be able to do.
But, have no fear!
In this post we’re going to explore 3 keys to JUMP START your healing journey from narcissistic abuse.
What is Narcissistic Abuse?
If you aren’t aware of what narcissistic abuse is already because either yourself or someone you know has gone through it, the truth is trying to describe it to someone with no experience with it can be a bit tricky and difficult.
Essentially narcissistic abuse is simply being abused by a narcissist.
And what exactly is a narcissist?
A narcissist is essentially someone who has endured a certain degree of trauma in their lives growing up and has trouble dealing with it or processing it.
Because the trauma was so insane and so intense, this individual has suppressed their trauma down so deep that they now project their traumas and issues onto other people while denying there is anything wrong with they themselves at all.
They become what’s known as emotional manipulators to try to get their unmet emotional needs met, and they see everything as being about them.
And if they suspect something in their life ISN’T about them, they will pull all kinds of emotional and psychological stunts in order to manipulate people’s attention to be placed on them.
These people are incapable of looking within themselves at their own flaws due to the fact that a part of their brain thinks it will be too difficult and painful to do so, and so they see themselves as perfect and without flaws and that it’s everyone else that has the problem.
While there are many characteristics that a narcissist may have, some of the key characteristics of narcissists are:
- Chaos Manufacture
- An Abuse Cycle
- And many others….
While these are people who themselves have a ton of unresolved emotional issues and inner pain to deal with, which is understandable in and of itself, these people cope with this trauma by becoming abusers themselves essentially.
Narcissists are not only stunted in their emotional growth and development but they become completely unwilling to look within and take responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings.
Instead, they seek something of an unconscious revenge on the abusers of their past and take it out on those people closest to them, usually family, sometimes friends to various capacities.
These people seek to get their unresolved needs met through manipulating other people and circumstances.
One of the ways they do this is to create a certain degree of ‘chaos‘ which they are able to feed on so to speak, which is really just a warped way of getting their unresolved emotional needs met.
It’s like dealing with a really damaged and angry 3 year old child.
There is not much rationalizing you can do with them, they take no responsibility for their behavior or how they treat others, and they can be extremely dangerous individuals.
Those who have had to endure such individuals, either as partners in relationships or from their parents growing up, have themselves developed a damaged and warped sense of self as well as warped coping mechanisms for how to go about getting their needs met.
Those who have been through such abuse have endured a certain degree of trauma, and very often develop things like ptsd or complex-ptsd as a result which can make those individuals lives a living hell and even more difficult to deal with.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
So for anyone who’s been through such trauma and who struggle with things like complex ptsd among other things, the healing journey from complex trauma can also be well, complex.
While the psychological and emotional injuries of narcissistic abuse are a certain degree of permanent damage to the individual who had to endure it, it IS possible to adequately heal from this type of insidious abuse and to take one’s life back.
There are a number of things that go into healing from narcissistic abuse, but here we are going to take a look at 3 keys to help you take your life back if you’ve gone through narcissistic abuse or something similar.
1. Know The Abuse Was NOT Your Fault and that Healing IS Possible
The first thing you need to do to start your healing journey from narcissistic abuse is to KNOW it was NOT your fault.
In fact while it may seem like the other person hated you, seemingly for no reason, the truth is the one they really hate is themselves and they simply projected that onto you.
And because it wasn’t really YOU that was the problem, NOTHING that the narcissist did to you really had anything to do with you at all.
What happened to you, although painful and horrible to go through, was NOT your fault at ALL.
Not only that, but the fact that you may have had trouble in life such as in school, work, or relationships was ALSO not your fault.
You DID have to sacrifice a good deal of your life as a result of having to go through narcissistic abuse, but just know that it is definitely possible to heal and to take your life back and make it what you’d like it to be.
2. Get to Safety ASAP
Maybe you have gotten away from your abuser at this point in your life, and maybe you haven’t.
Honestly even if you have gotten away from your original abuser, if you haven’t adequately healed from what you’ve been through, it’s like you have/are attracting other narcissists and abusive people into your life.
The fact is, you MUST heal yourself before you are REALLY able to take your life back.
And the #1 way to do this is to get yourself to a place that is safe enough for you to start your healing journey.
Many survivors of abuse aren’t in positions where they CAN get to a safe place for one reason or another, and that’s ok.
Just know that your #1 priority is to get yourself to a SAFE PLACE you can live and to be surrounded by SAFE and HEALTHY individuals so that you can start your healing process as soon as possible.
This is priority #1 if you want to take your life back in a real and lasting way, AND start to attract the people you’d like in your life who are safe and healthy for you.
3. Shower Yourself with Self Love and Self Care
At the core of those who have been abused, especially those who have been abused by narcissists, is what’s called an emotional attachment disorder.
In other words, it’s like you never really learned HOW to be emotionally healthy or of how to have real relationships with people, and this includes yourself.
There is a certain degree of what’s called self abandonment for those who have endured trauma of any kind.
Even if your parents provided shelter and food, to a large extent you were ABANDONED by them emotionally as you did not grow up in a safe environment and were not cherished or loved.
Think of yourself as having a need to be loved and to feel safe and secure, but NOT getting any of that growing up.
The truth is, you are essentially STARVED for love.
So, you’ve got to start giving YOURSELF love.
And I know that might sound a little strange at first, but the more you do it the more you’ll realize just how emotionally emaciated you actually have been, because the care you give to yourself will start to feel so good.
Just start showering yourself with self love.
Start eating healthier foods if you aren’t already.
Start getting some regular exercise.
Watch your thoughts for unloving, irrational, and anxiety producing thoughts and start to counter them with loving, rational, compassionate thoughts with yourself and others.
Do nice things for yourself like take yourself to places you enjoy and do things you enjoy.
And start making yourself feel more secure by being there for yourself and not abandoning yourself in any way shape or form, especially by exposing yourself to other toxic and unhealthy people.
There are a number of ways to heal from narcissistic abuse, but self love and self compassion are the #1 thing you must do for yourself in order to heal AND to thrive.
Wrapping it Up
So although narcissistic abuse, or any abuse for that matter, is terrible AND complicated to heal from, the truth is you CAN heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse.
To recap the 3 main keys to start implementing in your life to do so, they are:
- Know that the abuse WASN’T your fault and that healing IS possible
- Get to safety ASAP
- Shower yourself with self love and self care
As stated there are of course other things to do in order to adequately heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse, but these 3 keys if followed are in my opinion THE most important keys in order to start and maintain your healing journey.
Over to you: have you been through narcissistic abuse?
Do you struggle with complex ptsd or something similar?
I’d love to hear your thoughts, feelings, and any experiences you might have in the comments below.
I myself am a survivor of narcissistic abuse and struggle with cptsd, so if you are a survivor reading this, I definitely feel your pain and would love to connect with you.
If you forget everything else about healing from narcissistic abuse, just remember the idea of self love and making sure you are being loving and caring with yourself.
This will take you all the way in the end.
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My course that I call The Whole Life Solution on how to heal and empower yourself, ESPECIALLY after narcissistic abuse, will be out in the not too distant future, so be sure to sign up for all the latest, insights for healing, empowerment, and to be kept up to date for when the course launches!